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Come faranno ad andare avanti quando perdono una persona amata, o quando temono la morte per se stessi? È un argomento ragionevole. È certamente possibile ottenere consolazione da una bugia. Molte persone, quando chiediamo loro se vorrebbero che il medico dicesse loro la verità, nel caso avessero una malattia mortale e restassero loro soltanto sei mesi di vita, rispondono "no, preferirei che il medico mi mentisse". In questo non c'è niente di male; ed io rispetterei questo desiderio, se fossi un medico e pensassi che il paziente volesse che io gli mentissi.

Ma non credo che questa sia dignitosa come giustificazione generale della religione. A meno che, naturalmente, essa [la religione] non sia vera. Non abbiamo tempo di entrare nel merito, ma credo che ci siano ottime, ottime ragioni per credere che non c'è assolutamente alcuna base per credere che ci sia alcuna verità nelle affermazioni della religione.

Ed è essenzialmente questo che essi fanno. Lo studio scientifico di questi profondi, meravigliosi, eleganti misteri è uno dei più grandi traguardi raggiunti dallo spirito umano, e, fino al punto in cui la religione offre un'alternativa, o addirittura ostacola l'attività scientifica, credo che staremmo tutti meglio senza di essa. Il che mi porta all'altra delle mie quattro categorie, la spiegazione. Nel campo della spiegazione, la scienza ha tutte le carte in mano. La religione una volta aspirava ad avere una mano di carte decente, ma oggi non più.

Non c'è ragione di supporre che alcuna religione, alcun libro religioso, alcun insegnante di religione, abbia alcunché da dire su domande come "da dove viene l'universo", "da dove veniamo", "perché esiste la vita", "a cosa serve la vita". Oggi sappiamo che tutte le risposte date dalla religione a queste domande, che una volta erano le migliori risposte disponibili, sono completamente sbagliate.

Non c'è assolutamente alcuna evidenza per esse. Il punto centrale con cui vorrei terminare è che la religione corrompe l'educazione , in quanto interferisce in grande misura con l'istruzione dei bambini e degli studenti. Non è solo che ai bambini vengono insegnate cose false; è che l'indottrinamento dei bambini che la fede sia una virtù li porta ad essere immunizzati, messi in guardia, contro i nemici della fede, che si dice loro arriveranno; le loro menti diventano come dei computer che erigono un firewall per impedire l'ingresso di informazioni.

Ho parlato con dei miei colleghi in America, scienziati che cercavano di tenere conferenze di biologia agli studenti e naturalmente la biologia non ha senso senza l'evoluzione , e ogni volta che la conferenza menzionava l'evoluzione, i miei colleghi vedevano un mare di teste che si muovevano facendo segno di "no", braccia incrociate, e persone che non ascoltavano. Sono addestrati per dare le risposte giuste, per mettere le crocette nel posto giusto, negli esami; sanno come rispondere agli esami sull'evoluzione; ma sono stati in anticipo messi in guardia, corazzati dal firewall della fede, per tapparsi di fatto le orecchie ogni volta che l'insegnante parla di evoluzione.

E questo significa corrompere l'educazione. Ecco una citazione da Kurt Wise , un geologo americano. Gould nientemeno , ed era bene instradato verso una carriera eccellente di geologo accademico, carriera che aveva desiderato disperatamente per tutta la vita.

Il problema venne da dentro di lui, ed era la sua educazione religiosa -- il suo firewall di fede. Per quanto provassi, anche se avevo lasciato intatti i margini di tutte le pagine della Bibbia, mi era impossibile prenderla in mano senza che essa si spaccasse in due.

Dovevo scegliere tra l'evoluzione e le scritture. O le scritture erano vere e l'evoluzione era falsa, oppure l'evoluzione era vera e dovevo gettar via la Bibbia E con questo, con grandissima tristezza, gettai nel fuoco tutti i miei sogni e tutte le speranze nella scienza.

Io devo stare da questa parte. La prima è quella di MIMI , una bellissima bambina che, nonostante tute le sue difficoltà, è riuscita con il lavoro paziente della sua famiglia e delle sue insegnanti a fare dei passi da gigante, raggiungendo tante piccole e grandi autonomie.

Sono stanca di augurare tante belle cose agli altri tanto da non lasciarmi niente per me Ogni anno spero si concluda presto per poter sperare sul nuovo. Godetevi ogni giorno come se fosse l'ultimo e non aspettatevi. Non, je ne suis pas le Père Noël seulement Valentin qui pense à toi et qui voulait te souhaiter…. Joyeux Noël en toute simplicité! Alcune persone affrontano la vita con un atteggiamento passivo e sottomesso.

Sono "troppo buoni", non sanno farsi valere, e gli altri …. Quando si parla d'aggressività, tutti pensano all'aspetto distruttivo di questo sentimento: Sto parlando di quella sana dose d'aggressività che permette di affermarsi e di difendere i propri diritti senza ovviamente ledere i diritti degli altri.

Alcune persone non riescono ad esprimere la propria aggressività anche quando sarebbe naturale e giustificato farlo. Sono quelle persone che vengono considerate dagli altri " troppo buone", che non riescono a difendere i propri diritti e che, piuttosto che discutere, preferiscono lasciar perdere.

Chi non sopporta il minimo conflitto, è perché sente di avere dentro di sé una fortissima carica di rabbia e questo lo spaventa: In questo caso, gli impulsi aggressivi, essendo inaccettabili, rimangono relegati nell'inconscio e si esprimono in modo " contorto"con attacchi d'ansia, depressione, malattie psicosomatiche o pensieri ossessivi. L'aggressività è uno dei nostri istinti senza il quale non potremmo sopravvivere. Purtroppo quando la rabbia non viene mai espressa parliamo di esprimere la rabbia in modi accettabili Chi accumula rabbia, prima o poi esplode.

I serial killer, spesso descritti come persone miti e inoffensive, sono un buon esempio di questo meccanismo. Modi contorti per punire gli altri e se stessi: Chi non sia si arrabbia mai, in realtà dirige la propria rabbia verso se stesso. In genere il troppo buono, quando viene maltrattato, si deprime con pensieri di questo tipo. Se gli altri mi trattano male, è perché c'è in me qualcosa che non va.

Se sono trattato come uno zerbino, è colpa mia". Spesso chi non si arrabbia mai, soffre di depressione, ansia e attacchi di panico. Questi disturbi in realtà possono rappresentare un inconscia forma di rivalsa verso gli altri. Anche i disturbi sessuali possono entrare in questa categoria: I comportamenti passivo aggressivi sono dei comportamenti apparentemente inoffensivi il cui scopo inconscio è quello di comunicare rabbia e risentimento.

Bruno non ha il coraggio di dire di no al suo capo che gli chiede l'ennesimo straordinario non pagato, peccato che "casualmente" commetta molti errori di "distrazione" sulla relazione a cui sta lavorando. Stefania deve andare a prendere l'amica per andare ad un concerto che non ha nessuna voglia di sentire. Peccato che nell'andare a prendere l'amica, sbagli strada e arrivi a casa sua con un ora di ritardo. Le persone " troppo buone" temono che esprimere il proprio disaccordo possa ferire gli altri, e non si accorgono che alcuni dei loro comportamenti possono ferire gli altri molto di più di una discussione.

Le relazioni del " troppo buono". Pur di evitare il conflitto con l'altro, il "troppo buono" accetterà tutto o quasi , salvo poi sentirsi sfruttato e avere l'impressione di dare molto e ricevere poco in cambio. E in effetti chi ha questo tipo di problematiche, spesso non riceve quanto meriterebbe perché "non chiede nel modo giusto. Occhio insomma alle persone " troppo buone e troppo gentili "!! In termini psicologici questo aspetto si chiama " desiderabilità sociale ": Il gioco della desiderabilità sociale , come dice la definizione stessa, necessita che chi ci sta intornoci conceda la "patente" di buoni samaritani.

La società non solo rafforza volentieri questo buonismo interiorizzato ma è anche pronta a fare quadrato se qualcuno rischia di essere "smascherato". È meccanismo della guerra fredda: Eric Berne in "A che gioco giochiamo?

Tanto più queste persone confermano il nostro copione e ci permettono di giocare i nostri giochi preferiti, tanto più saranno amici. Se vogliamo capire chi siamo e come funziona la nostra psiche basta disegnare una mappa dei nostri amici e dei nostri "nemici". Purtroppo nessuno è in grado di disegnare una mappa realistica se ci si trova dentro. Nel racconto evangelico Vangelo di Luca 10, l'uomo "mezzo morto" che scendeva da Gerusalemme a Gerico era accasciato per terra, privo di sensi, coperto di sangue, mezzo morto.

Cosa hanno pensato quelli che gli sono passati vicino senza fermarsi? Probabilmente si sono detti: Fai quantomeno lo sforzo di tirarti su, no?

Almeno apri gli occhi, reagisci, fa' qualcosa! Me lo devi chiedere l'aiuto. Sarebbe un'invasione della tua privacy se ti aiutassi senza che me lo chiedi.

Non ti soccorro perché ti rispetto. È che non troviamo dei miserabili fatti come diciamo noi, con le caratteristiche che vogliamo noi e che, anche se moribondi, sorridano quando gli tendiamo la mano. Se non mi sorridi mentre vengo in tuo soccorso non meriti il mio aiuto, no?

Probabilmente leggendo queste righe avrete pensato che in fondo è vero: Concordate quindi sul fatto che il Buon Samaritano non esiste. È un'immagine rassicurante che ci siamo costruiti per mantenere un'idea positiva di noi stessi.

Se siete in difficoltà e state male, quindi, non aspettatevi che qualcuno venga a soccorrervi in modo altruistico e disinteressato. Le persone che vi circondano - è duro da accettare ma ormai dovreste averlo capito - vi attesteranno la stima, la solidarietà e l'affetto solo finché state bene e possono godere della vostra vicinanza.

Mentre giacete moribondi sul ciglio della strada, tuttavia, è ancora possibile trovare un motivo di gioia: Stimola la plasticità del cervello. Curare l'umore e contemporaneamente "ringiovanire il cervello": Lo studio ha rivelato che i farmaci utilizzati per curare le malattie depressive riuscirebbero ad aumentare la plasticità cerebrale. A migliorare, cioè, la capacità di rimodellarsi tipica del cervello giovane, che si perde almeno in parte nell'età adulta Appartiene alla classe degli inibitori selettivi della ricaptazione della serotonina ssri e agisce incrementando nel cervello i livelli di serotonina, che è uno dei principali neurotrasmettitori del sistema nervoso.

I farmaci non agiscono influendo sugli eventi del mondo esterno. Non hanno effetto sui successi, sulle contrarietà o sulle avversità, né agiscono tramite i processi del pensiero. Sono senza parole e privi di concetti. E crescendo impari che la felicità non e' quella delle grandi cose. Non e' quella che si insegue a vent'anni, quando, come gladiatori si combatte il mondo per uscirne vittoriosi La felicità non e' quella che affanosamente si insegue credendo che l'amore sia tutto o niente, Crescendo impari che la felicità e' fatta di cose piccole ma preziose E impari che la felicità e' fatta di emozioni in punta di piedi, di piccole esplosioni.

E impari che l'amore e' fatto di sensazioni delicate, di piccole scintille allo stomaco, di presenze vicine anche se lontane, e impari che il tempo si dilata e che quei 5 minuti sono preziosi e lunghi più di tante ore, e impari che basta chiudere gli occhi, accendere i sensi, sfornellare in cucina, leggere una poesia, scrivere su un libro o guardare una foto per annullare il tempo e le distanze ed essere con chi ami.

E impari che sentire una voce al telefono, ricevere un messaggio inaspettato, sono piccolo attimi felici. E impari ad avere, nel cassetto e nel cuore, sogni piccoli ma preziosi. E impari che tenere in braccio un bimbo e' una deliziosa felicità. E impari che i regali più grandi sono quelli che parlano delle persone che ami E impari che c'e' felicità anche in quella urgenza di scrivere su un foglio i tuoi pensieri, che c'e' qualcosa di amaramente felice anche nella malinconia.

One of the common denominators of people who enter therapy is the feeling of being "stuck" in some way. Often there is the feeling of not being able to break out of a set of behaviors, feelings or thoughts. People know "it should be different," but can't seem to get things to really change for themselves. Their moods may come and go, but somehow they keep slipping back into old patterns.

Regardless of the number of accomplishments, feelings of not being good enough still arise. Regardless of how spiritual, feelings of anxiety emerge. Regardless of how hard they try, up comes the sense of being out of control. So where do these feelings generally come from? The simple answer is from the memories that form our unconscious mind. These networks determine how we interpret new experiences, and our moment-to-moment feelings.

When something happens in the present, it automatically links into our preexisting memory networks, and we respond accordingly. So, for example, when we meet someone new, we may find ourselves liking or disliking the person based partially upon other people we've encountered in the past who are similar in some way.

These automatic responses occur because the brain is geared to link up whatever happens in the present with our memories of past experiences in order to make sense of the world.

If I'd never seen a cup, I'd have no idea what to do with it. If I have previous experiences with cups then I may simply reach out to use it. I don't have to think it through. I don't have conscious images of other cups I've seen before. It's just a natural, automatic reaction based upon my memory networks. However, if I'd been hit on the head repeatedly with a cup, I may have a negative reaction to it without consciously knowing why.

And when negative feelings like "I'm not good enough" emerge in different situations, the reasons are the same. My memory networks are shaping my current reactions in the world. The memories stored in our brain are either processed or unprocessed. If they are processed, it means that the brain has done its job and integrated a learning experience into our memory networks.

Something happened that was disturbing, but I learned what I needed from it. I fight with a family member and I have a negative emotional and body reaction, but time passes and I think about it, talk about it, dream about it, and soon it doesn't bother me any more. The appropriate connections are made in my brain and I might realize: We've had rough spots before and worked them out. In my memory network, what is useful is stored and what's useless -- like the feelings of anxiety or anger -- is gone.

That is what the brain is geared to do: But sometimes an experience can be so disturbing that the information processing system of the brain becomes imbalanced. When that happens, the experience is stored in an "unprocessed" form and still contains the emotions, physical sensations and beliefs that occurred at the time of the original event. So when I see the person again, instead of feeling OK, I have the same feeling of anger, hurt and anxiety.

What's important here is that just the sight of the person can trigger the feelings, even years later, whether I consciously remember the fight or not. The negative feelings automatically arise from my unconscious memory connections. The brain is just doing its job, but unfortunately, the automatic connections are being made from unprocessed, rather than processed memories.

That's why numerous divorces occur. The painful unprocessed past experiences affairs, fights, disappointments continue to get triggered and don't let the partners reconcile.

The examples of unprocessed memories I used in previous blogs involved traumas that are used to diagnose post traumatic stress disorder PTSD. But recent research has clearly shown that many kinds of life experiences, even if it is not a "major trauma," can cause the same types of responses.

But even in those instances, the research generally indicates that experiences are also involved. And any experience that was sufficiently disturbing can get locked into our memory networks as an unprocessed memory. For instance, being bullied or humiliated as a child is often associated with strong reactions related to "survival fear.

So, if your body tightens or you have visceral negative emotions arising when you think of a time you were humiliated in school, that memory is still unprocessed. If you go into a similar situation as an adult, the same negative feelings may arise. For instance, some surveys show that fear of public speaking in the U.

That's often an example of unprocessed memories from childhood stored in the brain, with emotions arising from the unconscious connections and running the show. Sometimes our negative reactions may take the form of low-grade "misery" emerging at certain times. But sometimes our responses can be extreme and define the way we view ourselves. Here's an example from my book Getting Past Your Past: Stephanie hadn't been able to work for two years because she thought her coworkers were contemptuous of her.

She was sure she smelled because of excessive sweating, even though she bathed twice a day, frequently changed her underwear, and used lots of powder and deodorant. She couldn't bear to be in social situations because she thought people were talking about her.

Over the past 15 years she'd had a number of hospitalizations because of thoughts of suicide and was on three different medications. Stephanie suffered from a diagnosis known as body dysmorphic disorder. The symptoms are sometimes misdiagnosed, because the negative beliefs involving an imagined body flaw are seen as a "delusion. We use specific techniques to identify the source of the problem, and Stephanie remembered what had caused her suffering:.

She was 12 years old and she'd brought in food as her teacher had instructed for her Friday cooking class. Unfortunately the class was cancelled. Returning to school on Monday, she went to her gym locker and took out the bag she thought contained her gym clothes. When she opened it, the room was filled with the odor of rotting fish -- the food she'd forgotten and left over the weekend after the cancelled cooking class. Her schoolmates made fun of her, accusing her of dirty underwear. Then she was sent to the principal, who scolded her for poor hygiene.

This event had been stored in her brain. It took only three sessions to process the memory and all the symptoms disappeared and remained gone five years later. Decades of suffering had been caused by a childhood event that was profoundly disturbing at the time but had been subsequently forgotten. This happens all the time. So, the bottom line is that whether your personal problem seems big or small, there is a likelihood that unprocessed memories are at work.

The unconscious isn't really such a murky place after all. It's simply cause-and-effect reactions that you can learn to identify and take steps to master.

Seven cases treated with eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 25, Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder after non-traumatic events: Evidence from an open population study. British Journal of Psychiatry, , Biological sensitivity to context: The interactive effects of stress reactivity and family adversity on socioemotional behavior and school readiness. Child Development, 1, Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy.

The 20th century taught. His politics appear to be an interesting combination of libertarian and liberal. Yet he eschews knee-jerk hysteria and political correctness and instead brings to the discussion a great deal of nuance, thoughtfulness and scientific evidence. Nobody likes a Puritan, John Dewey reminds us, and so I was careful to avoid penning some grimly censorious screed.

On the contrary, by the time I was finished I was full of sympathy for those who, from Augustine to Eliot Spitzer, find themselves on the losing end of our never-ending battle with desire. According to journalist and novelist Akst The Webster Chronicle ,. This is happening at the same time that long-standing social constraints on behavior, such as religion and tradition, are eroding.

Akst combines the disciplines of history, philosophy, psychology, economics, and literature in examining this phenomenon and inspires readers to view self-control in a positive light. Essential book for all people concerned with their own overindulgences and with the future of society in general.

Listen to Audio Version MP3. Self-Control in an Age of Excess , but at least he believes there are steps we can take to keep ourselves from having too much fun. Compared to other critics of American affluence, this qualifies him as an optimist. According to a Harvard study he cites, extending medical coverage to all Americans would save approximately 45, lives a year.

Meanwhile, nearly half of the 2. Hear that, tubby patriots? Universal jumping jacks could save far more lives than universal healthcare, a prospect that should gladden the sclerotic hearts of both Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore, and yet we mostly fail to take action.

Or at least score few victories in our battles with temptation. When Akst covers how our brains work and the many experiments social scientists have devised to show us how easy we are to manipulate, the bad news continues. Those given hot drinks judged the individual warmer.

Or inspired subjects to interrupt more frequently by exposing them to words associated with rudeness? Still, Akst stands firm in his conviction that we do, as individuals, have agency over our choices and must take responsibility for them. Psychologists call this practice pre-commitment. Akst describes one woman who freezes her credit card in a block of ice as a way to discourage spending. Another pours salt on half her dessert as a means of portion control.

Freedom is a productivity app procrastinators use to keep themselves off the Internet long enough to get some work done. And thus technology marches forward. And even the invidious forces of TV and the Internet have incredible upsides.

The Internet may distract us, but it can also inspire preternatural focus in those who use it. Before the Web came along, how many tweens were writing 10,word fanfics about their favorite characters from the 2,page serials they spent their days and nights chain-reading? How many adults devoted their leisure to crafting encyclopedia entries on Spanish heraldry or leaf-cutter ants? Even in the Internet age, patience and diligence persist.

Thus, it comes as something of surprise when, after making a case for self-control, Akst is so quick to suggest that the government might manage, somewhat oxymoronically, our self-control for us.

The answers are yes and maybe. An employer might make its k plan opt-out rather than opt-in to encourage more employees to participate in it. A health insurance plan might offer some kind of reward points to members who exercise on a regular basis. Who, for example, gets to decide which appetites are dangerous enough to warrant government intervention? How can the public realm be shaped without imposing features that some individuals will consider coercive rather than elective?

The best way we can help it from compulsively fine-tuning our lives is to refrain from granting it such powers in the first place.

You don't have to be Freud to deduce that I've been feeling a bit trapped in my life lately. But unlike actual imprisonment, feeling trapped in life is often instructional - simply because it's an illusion.

It's like the elephant with its leg tied to a wooden stake. The elephant is strong enough to break the stake and free itself, but doesn't realize it. It stays tied to the stake only because it's been conditioned to do so. Although we're smarter than elephants, we do sometimes seem to stand with one leg tied to a stake for no reason other than conditioning.

After having done some time in my own trap I've since freed myself, by the way , I noticed that the way out was a heavy dose of what I call " self-definition. Self-definition is a process. It's an excavation of the soul. It requires us to honestly, deeply and completely answer some challenging questions: Answering these questions truthfully may not be easy. I challenge you to answer them for each area of your life and notice what you uncover.

When I asked myself "What do I want? I wanted more sleep. The second and more important answer: I wanted to stop meeting everyone else's needs before my own. I'd fallen into a habit of superseding my own needs much of the time and this response was taking its toll - between my son, my clients, friends, family, and various and sundry other people, I was losing myself in a sea of needs.

I'd become tethered to that stake. Self-definition is about finding the places , conditions and mindsets in which you sparkle and shine, in which you stay focused on your desire and move away from your fear. It helps you notice those times that you pull back and stop yourself just as you get started.

You begin to see the many little thoughts and actions that together add up to sabotaging yourself. Finally, you decide to make different choices. Once you step onto that path, you begin to define YOURSELF rather than allowing other people, beliefs and circumstances to determine your identity , life path and course of action.

Self-definition is not about focusing on the specific "hows" and "whats" - how will I get there, what if I don't like it, what if I don't make it, what if I fail, what if I succeed, what are the steps to take, which are the best actions?

Work to avoid these questions - they will instantaneously suck the life out of your beautiful, new self-definition. These questions are based in doubt, rather than faith. Once you are firmly grounded in what is true for you, the "how" and "what" tend to reveal themselves more clearly.

Focus on what YOU want. Then trust that it's right for you. Trust is key here - trust in yourself, trust in the universe, and trust that the right things will happen at exactly the right time. You do that, and you will not be trapped. Your leg will not be tied to a stake, and that my friends, is freedom. Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life.

Nelle persone molto insicure, piacere agli altri diventa il punto centrale della decisione. Queste persone hanno molta rabbia repressa verso coloro dai quali dipendono,.

Lorsqu'on parle de l'angoisse, on baisse le ton. Car l'angoisse est un sujet tabou. Comme la folie, comme la mort. L'angoisse commence avec la naissance et ces racines de l'angoisse s'enfoncent au plus profond de la nature humaine. Et je ne suis pas sûr, quant à moi, qu'elle se termine toujours avec la mort.

Mais l'angoisse maîtrisée débouche sur l'éveil de la conscience. L'angoisse a toujours été. Pour autant qu'on sache, aussi bien dire depuis la naissance de la conscience. Mais les époques sont plus ou moins anxiogènes; plus ou moins difficiles à vivre du point de vue de l'angoisse. Notre époque est particulièrement difficile à vivre. Pourtant, on dispose aujourd'hui de moyens qui nous font croire qu'on pourrait en finir avec l'angoisse.

Je pense en particulier aux drogues de la famille des psychotropes, tels que les tranquillisants. Oui, mais en finir avec l'angoisse, c'est peut-être en finir avec la conscience même Car il y a entre les deux, entre la conscience et l'angoisse, un lien - comme s'il s'agissait de deux aspects d'un même phénomène. L'angoisse, c'est la descente aux enfers. Mais c'est aussi un facteur déterminant de l'éveil de la conscience L'angoisse porte plusieurs masques.

Elle recouvre l'ensemble de ce qu'on appelle les états timériques que sont la peur, la terreur, l'effroi, l'anxiété. C'est une expérience qui est familière à chacun d'entre nous. Liée à la nature humaine, l'angoisse en constitue comme un fond ténébreux.

Elle surgie, tout à coup, à la faveur de la solitude, de l'insécurité, de l'obscurité On éprouve alors comme un serrement à la gorge. Ou encore, au niveau du plexus solaire. Mais elle peut aussi se manifester de façon différente, selon les êtres et les circonstances. Deux sentiments sont étroitement liés à l'angoisse: La peur de perdre la conscience du moi.

La peur de perdre son identité, de cesser d'être. Il s'agit d'identifier l'angoisse. Afin de la reconnaître lorsqu'elle se manifeste. Et d'apprendre, petit à petit, à la maîtriser. L'angoisse commence avec la naissance.

Elle vient de l'état de détresse psychique du nourrisson - contrepartie à son état de détresse biologique. C'est l'état de séparation qui est à l'origine de l'angoisse.

Jusqu'au moment de la naissance, l'être se trouve dans un état de plénitude. C'est le bonheur utérin, l'union primale. Tous les besoins sont satisfaits: Mais au moment de la naissance, il lui faut se séparer. C'est le paradis perdu le début de l'angoisse. Le drame de la naissance se déroule en trois actes: Il se trouve dans un état de contrainte qui lui paraît sans issue.

Il éprouve alors des pressions physiques considérables, avec le sentiment très fort de suffoquer. Il livre une bataille pour sa survivance. Il investit toute son énergie dans ce qui lui paraît comme une lutte à finir. Il combat avec l'énergie du désespoir.

L'être est alors sorti du labyrinthe. L'épreuve de passage à proprement parler se trouve achevée. Il se détend enfin. Mais une nouvelle épreuve l'attend: De cette étape, on ne se remet pour ainsi dire jamais - jusqu'à la mort.

Cet état de séparation nous le vivons tous, jour après jour, toute la vie. Le cordon ombilical coupé, l'être se trouve pour toujours séparé de ce qui l'englobait, de ce qui le comprenait. L'être n'est plus pris en charge par ce qui le contenait: À la naissance, nous faisons l'expérience de la séparation, de l'isolement, du rejet. La naissance est donc l'archétype, le modèle de toutes les angoisses. Devant l'obscurité, dans la solitude, comme aussi devant tout ce qui est perçu comme étranger, extérieur à soi Toute circonstance angoissante ne fait toujours que répéter la caractéristique essentielle de l'angoisse originelle: Du point de vue de la Sagesse traditionnelle, l'âme a choisi de s'incarner au plan matériel: C'est pourquoi nous devons aider le plus possible l'être qui a choisi de s'incarner, à accepter son nouvel état.

L'expérience de la naissance et les premières heures de la vie ont une influence déterminante sur l'avenir de l'individu. D'où l'importance de bien naître. Et d'où le très grand intérêt que présente le mouvement pour une naissance sans violence.

Une étude a démontré que les enfants nés dans des conditions naturelles, même primitives, sourient peu de temps après la naissance. Alors que la plupart des enfants nés dans des conditions qui sont celles de notre société technologique, ne sourient que longtemps après la naissance, parfois même plusieurs mois après Depuis la naissance, l'homme se trouve engagé dans une interaction avec le milieu.

Or, notre civilisation est considérée comme très anxiogène: Parmi les facteurs anxiogènes de notre société, il y a avant tout ce qui en constitue le moteur: L'homme se trouve engagé dans une course dont il ne voit pas la fin: L'économie est la seule grille explicative et justificative qui soit acceptée dans notre société. Le conditionnement des individus est tel que nous avons même du mal à imaginer qu'il puisse en être autrement. La pression qui est faite sur l'individu pour augmenter toujours davantage la production et la consommation est source d'angoisse.

Et plus particulièrement, à chaque fois que l'individu éprouve le sentiment de n'être plus en mesure de répondre à la pression. Parmi les facteurs d'angoisse de notre civilisation, il y a aussi la surstimulation. La simple stimulation n'est pas anxiogène - elle ne provoque pas l'angoisse.

Elle répond, au contraire, à un besoin: Il y a sur stimulation lorsque c'est le monde qui va vers l'individu: La compétition dans notre société est aussi un facteur d'angoisse important. La compétition, au-delà d'un certain point, devient une source de violence , plus ou moins contenue. L'individu finit parfois par retourner cette violence contre lui-même: Les lieux familiers se transforment très vite. Les visages changent autour de nous. On est maintenant de plus en plus envahi par tout ce qui n'est pas familier par ce qui est étranger.

Tout ce qui souligne notre état de séparation est source d'angoisse. Par ailleurs, la mobilité, qui peut être une qualité dans une société, devient aujourd'hui excessive: On change aussi facilement de conjoint et même d'enfants Ce sont les racines des individus sont ébranlées. On finit alors bien souvent par devenir étranger à soi-même, par ne plus s'appartenir. Un autre facteur d'angoisse se trouve dans le fait que nous vivons de plus en plus coupés de la nature.

Le milieu devient de plus en plus artificiel. Nous avons remporté une victoire sur la nature. Mais est-ce une victoire vraiment? Il y a des êtres qui grandissent dans les villes sans jamais voir d'espaces verts. Dont le ciel est un espace étouffant, toujours découpé par la silhouette des édifices.

Dont les pas ne touchent jamais la terre. À propos de certaines drogues. À propos de certaines drogues, en particulier des psychédéliques: Mais, curieusement, dans le cas des tranquillisants et des antidépresseurs , on parle à peine de l'influence que ces drogues ont, elles aussi, sur la perception et le comportement. Il n'y a aucun doute que les psychotropes - c'est la catégorie qui recouvre l'ensemble de ces médicaments - modifient plus ou moins profondément la personnalité de ceux qui en consomment.

Comme du reste, c'est aussi le cas avec l'alcool consommé régulièrement. La consommation de ces drogues comporte un risque. L'humanité est-elle destinée à disparaître après avoir transformé les hommes en zombis, à disparaître pour avoir éteint l'étincelle de la conscience chez l'homme en voulant tuer l'angoisse? Car, en chacun de nous, il y a l'étincelle de la conscience. Il y a quelque chose de désespéré dans l'entreprise humaine.

Qu'il faut avoir le courage de regarder en face. Le monde est imparfait. Et chacun de nous a, dans son for intérieur, le sentiment d'être tout aussi imparfait. Ne pas être à la hauteur de la situation. Ce qui entretient en nous l'angoisse. Ce dont je veux parler, à propos de l'entreprise humaine, a un nom en physique: On pourrait aussi parler de la force de l' inertie , la résistance passive des choses. Il y a cette quasi-impossibilité d'agir à volonté sur le milieu, de mener à bien nos entreprises, de réaliser nos projets Le monde nous résiste.

À un moment ou l'autre, tout finit par rouiller, par s'user jusqu'à la corde, par faire tilt. Je pende par exemple, à une maison; le travail qu'il faut faire dans une maison Les réparations, l'aménagement et l'entretien du terrain.

Que d'énergie employée, que de temps passé, que d'argent investi dans des entreprises qui, finalement, ressemblent toutes à un tonneau sans fond, qu'on cherche en vain à remplir Nous vivons dans un monde où tout finit par sécher debout, par disparaître englouti, par mourir Il faut prendre conscience de cet aspect du monde dans lequel nous vivons, si nous ne voulons pas sombrer dans l'angoisse, sans comprendre ce qui nous arrive.

Elles témoignent de ce qu'un artiste est venu à bout de quelque chose. Il est parvenu à imposer à la pierre, par exemple, son projet, l'image qu'il avait en tête. La création artistique, comme la création scientifique du reste, est une victoire sur l'entropie au sens figuré.

La plupart de nos actions n'aboutissent pas; la plupart de nos projets ne se réalisent pas; la plupart de nos entreprises rencontrent une telle résistance qu'elles finissent par ne plus ressembler, au bout du parcours, au projet qu'on avait au départ. C'est notre impuissance à agir.

Il y a aussi le temps qui nous résiste, qui use toutes nos entreprises. Nous sommes dans le relatif, avec une grande soif d'absolu. L'oeuvre d'art témoigne de la grandeur de l'homme - malgré tout.

L'angoisse fait partie de la nature humaine. Il n'est pas question d'en finir avec elle, à moins d'accepter d'en finir avec la conscience elle-même.

Il ne s'agit donc pas de terrasser le démon de l'angoisse, mais plutôt de l'apprivoiser. Il n'y a pas de remède miracle à l'angoisse. Il faut tirer le meilleur parti de l'obligation où nous sommes de vivre avec l'angoisse. La maîtrise de l'angoisse favorise l'éveil de la conscience et son épanouissement. Les moyens qui permettent de maîtriser l'angoisse se trouvent dans un art de vivre. Ce sont aussi les moyens qui permettent d'élever le niveau de conscience de l'être. L'angoisse apparaît comme le moteur de la conscience humaine: À un moment difficile de la vie, où l'angoisse se fait sentir et nous tenaille, il suffit parfois de découvrir ce qui l'entretient pour retrouver rapidement la paix.

La cause est le plus souvent inconsciente. Elle peut alors résister à une analyse superficielle. Aussi longtemps qu'elle échappe à la conscience, on demeure plongé dans l'angoisse. Mais cette cause peut être aussi simple qu'une émotion refoulée: Ce qui suppose une certaine capacité d'analyse de soi.

C'est une qualité qui se développe. À la condition de vivre éveillé. Ceux qui vivent endormis font souvent de l'angoisse sans jamais comprendre ce qui leur arrive. Vivre éveillé c'est commencer à prendre conscience du mécanisme dont on participe. Mais une fois compris que le but de tout homme est le perfectionnement de l'âme et son retour à Dieu, l'absurde et l'angoisse disparaissent. Apprivoiser l'angoisse exige aussi de s'interroger sur le sens de la vie.

Et de trouver ses réponses. Personne ne peut le faire pour vous. Sur toutes les grandes questions, notre civilisation est silencieuse: Pas plus du reste, que sur la question de la vie. Dans une société qui n'a aucune explication à proposer que celle du niveau matériel, l'angoisse tourne à vide: La maîtrise de l'angoisse passe nécessairement par une interrogation sur le sens de la vie: Et de m'en remettre à ce qui m'englobe et me comprend.

Miller, La persecuzione del bambino, Bollati Boringhieri, Torino, Solo trecento anni dopo, finalmente, la Chiesa si decise a rimediare al suo errore e a cancellare dall'indice gli scritti di Galilei, lasciando loro libero corso. Da alcuni anni, infatti, è stato scientificamente provato anche se resta tuttora proibito prenderne atto che le conseguenze perniciose dei traumi subiti da bambini si ripercuotono inevitabilmente sull'intera società.

Questa scoperta riguarda ogni singolo individuo e, se opportunamente divulgata, dovrà portare ad un mutamento sostanziale della nostra società e soprattutto dovrà liberarci dalla cieca spirale della violenza.

In tal modo l'integrità del bambino viene lesa in maniera irreparabile. La consapevolezza o l'ignoranza della società aiutano, in tal senso, a salvare una vita o contribuiscono a distruggerla. Di qui la grande opportunità che viene offerta a parenti, avvocati, giudici, medici e assistenti sociali di stare, senza mezzi termini, dalla pane del bambino e di dargli la loro fiducia.

In realtà, invece, non v'è bambino che non sia pronto ad addossarsi lui stesso la colpa della crudeltà dei genitori, al fine di scaricare da loro, che egli continua pur sempre ad amare, ogni responsabilità.

I rilevamenti elettronici compiuti sul feto hanno inoltre rivelato una realtà che finora non era stata percepita dalla maggior parte degli adulti: Godranno della gioia di vivere e non avranno affatto bisogno di far del male agli altri o a sé stessi, né addirittura di uccidere. Useranno il proprio potere per difendersi, e non per aggredire gli altri. Non potranno fare a meno ci rispettare e proteggere i più deboli, ossia anche i propri figli, dal momento che essi stessi, un tempo, hanno compiuto tale esperienza, e dal momento che fin dall'inizio in loro è stato memorizzato proprio questo sapere e non la crudeltà.

Questi individui non saranno mai nella condizione di capire come mai i loro avi nel passato abbiano dovuto impiantare una mastodontica industria bellica per sentirsi a loro agio e sicuri nel mondo. Dal momento che il compito inconscio della loro vita non starà più nel difendersi dalle minacce subite nell'infanzia, essi saranno in grado di affrontare in maniera più razionale e creativa le minacce presenti nella realtà.

L e recenti scoperte delle neuroscienze — per es. La naturale tendenza a collaborare consegue. Se si riesce a privarli della loro volontà in quel periodo, poi essi non ricorderanno mai più di averne avuta una.

I n particolare non trascuravano mai di ricordarmi che era mio dovere obbedire immediatamente ai desideri e agli ordini dei genitori, dei maestri, dei preti, ecc. Questi fondamenti pedagogici sono diventati una parte di me stesso. Rudolf H öss, comandante ad Auschwitz Noi ammiriamo coloro che oppongono resistenza negli Stati a regime totalitario, perché pensiamo: Altri invece possono anche considerarli ingenui e pensare: Moralità e compimento del proprio dovere sono delle protesi che si rendono necessarie se manca qualcosa di essenziale.

Non ha altra scelta, se non si vuole perdere. Fra tali bisogni rientrano. Il bisogno inconscio di trasmettere a qualcun altro le umiliazioni vissute in passato ;. Il bisogno di trovare una valvola di sfogo per gli affetti respinti;. Il bisogno di possedere un oggetto vivente sempre disponibile e manipolabile ;.

La paura della libertà ;. La paura del ritorno del rimosso , che si ripresenta nuovamente nel proprio figlio e che ancora una volta si deve combattere, dopo averlo già annientato in sé stessi;.

E infine la vendetta per le sofferenze patite. Se i genitori hanno dovuto imparare molto presto nella loro vita a ignorare i propri sentimenti , a non prenderli sul serio, anzi a disprezzarli o a deriderli, allora verrà loro a mancare la sensibilità necessaria per orientarsi nel rapporto con i figli.

Avranno, per esempio, paura talvolta di mostrarsi affettuosi con loro pensando di viziarli In un caso a me noto, un bambino che era triste venne per esempio incoraggiato a rompere un bicchiere in un momento in cui lui avrebbe invece preferito arrampicarsi in braccio a sua madre. I bambini che si sentono continuamente incompresi e manipolati in questo modo divengono effettivamente confusi e sviluppano una ben motivata aggressività.

E non potrà mancare di succedere finché essi continueranno a idealizzare la storia della propria infanzia. Nella vita della maggior parte della gente si possono individuare le seguenti singole tappe: Subire da piccoli delle ferite che nessuno considera tali;. Non reagire con ira al dolore;. In età adulta, scaricare su altre persone tutta la rabbia immagazzinata, o dirigerla contro di sé.

Succede molto spesso che i genitori riescano a ottenere un tale successo con i numerosi metodi usati per addomesticare il loro bambino che, fino alla pubertà, lui non crea loro alcun problema Ero seduta nel parco di una città a me sconosciuta.

Tante volte ho visto tutti i miei compagni cadere colpiti da granate o da bombe, mentre io, benché fossi accanto a loro, sono rimasto in vita e non ho riportato neppure una ferita. Quelli erano i suoi ricordi più belli. Allorché gli domandai se egli fosse mai stato picchiato, rispose: Nelle prime tre classi ero il primo della classe; nella quarta invece ho cambiato maestro. Avrei dovuto mentire per lui, ma era una cosa che fino a quel momento non avevo mai fatto, perché non avevo bisogno di aver timore dei miei genitori.

Mi sono spesso rammaricato di non aver preso la licenza di scuola superiore. Ma credo di non aver avuto allora altra scelta. In un certo senso, questo è vero.

Ma soprattutto non sappiamo ancora quale aspetto potrebbe assumere il mondo , se i bambini potessero crescere senza subire umiliazioni , se venissero rispettati come esseri umani e presi sul serio dai genitori. Personalmente comunque non conosco nessuno che da bambino abbia goduto di un simile rispetto e che poi da adulto abbia mai avvertito il bisogno di uccidere altri esseri umani Gli psicoanalisti si esprimono in altri termini, per esempio sostengono che.

In fondo è vero il contrario: Coloro che perseguitano gli altri lo fanno per difendersi dalla consapevolezza di essere vittime loro stessi. Quante volte, in passato, aveva già udito osservazioni del genere senza mai metterne in discussione la veridicità! Sarebbe il modo migliore per prepararmici! Ovunque io volga lo sguardo,. Ovunque io volga lo sguardo, trovo il comandamento di rispettare i genitori. Miller dice e dimostra che i genitori che umiliano e maltrattano i figli furono a loro volta umiliati e maltrattati ,.

Joanne Kathleen Rowling, la madre di Harry Potter, in occasione dell'incontro annuale degli alunni di Harvard ha tenuto una lezione inaugurale. É a voi che mi rivolgo con sincera gratitudine. Non solo Harvard mi ha concesso questo straordinario privilegio; ma le settimane di terrore e nausea sofferti al pensiero di tenere questo discorso inaugurale mi hanno fatto perdere peso — è stato un guadagno su tutti i fronti!

Ora non mi resta altro che fare un paio di respiri profondi, distogliere lo sguardo dagli stendardi rossi qui intorno ed immaginare di trovarmi semplicemente al raduno dei seguaci di Harry Potter più istruiti del mondo. Tenere un discorso inaugurale è una grande responsabilità; o almeno questa era la mia opinione, sino a quando non ho ripensato al momento della mia laurea.

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Cette démarche augmente, certes, nos capacités techniques, mais elle nous fait perdre le sens de l'homme. Mais, dans le groupe que j'anime, nous accueillons de nombreux "visiteurs" qui viennent effectuer un travail, acquérir des connaissances, et qui disparaissent ensuite.

Ils ont déjà une formation dans leur discipline: En rejoignant notre groupe, ils restent ce qu'ils sont, avec leur personnalité et leurs compétences, tout en tentant d'appliquer une procédure d'observation éthologique. On sait, par exemple, que, quand quelqu'un ne peut pas formuler une phrase, son rythme cardiaque s'accélère. L'éthologie permet de montrer expérimentalement la fonction tranquillisante de la parole. Jusque-là, c'était une hypothèse des psychanalystes.

On les croyait ou on ne les croyait pas, il n'y avait pas d'arguments expérimentaux. Et cela intéresse la cardiologie. Nous avons également accueilli une comédienne qui prépare une thèse sur le mensonge. Est-ce que les comédiens mentent? Peut-on voir comment ils mentent, en appliquant toujours les méthodes de l'éthologie? Nous espérons ensuite utiliser ses travaux pour voir, par exemple, si les schizophrènes savent mentir.

Nous sommes des artisans. Nous ne cherchons pas à posséder une théorie globalisante. Mais, aujourd'hui, le terme "éthologie" est devenu un préfixe. On étudie l'étho-urbanisme, l'éthoneurologie, l'étholinguistique Vous consacrez un chapitre à l'univers mental du foetus! Peut-on dire qu'un foetus pense? L'hypothèse que je propose, c'est l'idée de représentation sensorielle, c'est-à-dire qu'un être vivant peut penser avec autre chose que des mots. Les éthologues animaliers nous disent qu'il existe un monde de représentation animal.

Les animaux peuvent répondre à un stimulus qui n'est pas présent. Un aphasique réussit à penser - à agencer des représentations pour enfanter une autre représentation - avec autre chose que des mots. Avec des souvenirs, avec des images. Dans le cas du foetus, c'est la perception sensorielle qui alimente ces représentations. Après la conception, le foetus se développe biologiquement. Le corps de la mère propose un monde sensoriel qui organise l'univers du foetus.

A la 26e semaine de grossesse, chaque foetus a un profil comportemental propre: Dans un premier temps, le foetus répond à des stimulations venues de la mère. Vers le 8e mois, on constate la première séparation. Le bébé prend des initiatives. Il répond non plus aux stimulations de la mère, mais à un stimulus interne. Le premier donneur d'impulsions, c'est le sommeil paradoxal, qui se met en place chez le foetus à partir du milieu du 7e mois de la grossesse. Le phénomène mental naît de l'incorporation de la sensorialité maternelle dans le récipient à rêves du foetus.

Quand le bébé naît, il possède déjà un tout petit appareil mental; ce n'est pas une cire vierge qui débarque sur terre. Les promesses génétiques d'un nouveau-né ne peuvent prendre forme que sous l'effet façonnant de l'affectivité. Les petits enfants roumains abandonnés, privés d'affect, sont nourris de glucides, de protides, de lipides. Leur programme génétique renferme tout ce qui est nécessaire à leur développement.

Pourtant, ils ne réalisent aucune performance. C'est une expérience naturelle tragique qui montre qu'un enfant privé d'affect ne tient aucune de ses promesses biologiques. Donc la force façonnante qui permet de leur donner forme s'effectue par l'intermédiaire de l'affectivité.

Celle-ci permet de médiatiser la culture et de la transformer en biologie du comportement. Il faut être éthologue pour pouvoir affirmer ceci: La mère, elle, est imprégnée par sa culture. Son bébé fait des mines.

Elle répond fortement à cette stimulation soit par la joie, soit par la colère. Et sa réponse constitue pour le bébé un monde sensoriel énorme. Donc la mère, elle-même imprégnée par les mimiques de sa culture, façonne des comportements.

Et modifie même les sécrétions neurobiologiques de l'enfant. Le cerveau des premiers sécrète des hormones de croissance et des hormones sexuelles alors que celui des seconds n'en sécrète pratiquement pas. Leurs électroencéphalogrammes en apportent la preuve. Donc le champ affectif qui baigne l'enfant détermine les sécrétions neurobiologiques de son cerveau. Ce phénomène est également perceptible chez l'adulte. Pendant une conversation, je suis affecté par les gestes et les mimiques de mon interlocuteur.

Ils modifient mes sécrétions neuro-hormonales, mon rythme cardiaque. Si je le regarde droit dans les yeux, je désynchronise à mon tour son onde alpha rythme cérébral régulier qui fonctionne comme un radar et s'accélère en cas de stress. Si je lui parle de manière agressive, il s'énerve, et l'alpha disparaît parce qu'il a modifié ses sécrétions de catécholamines. Cela signifie que l'affectivité est bien la biologie de l'entre-deux. Dans chaque rencontre, le rituel constitue une structure, un organe de coexistence.

L'éthologie humaine s'intéresse à la communication avant la parole. Mais, à l'occasion d'un échange verbal, il existe bien des lois descriptibles des postures et des mimiques qui affectent les interlocuteurs. Le corps, lui aussi, parle. L'intérêt de l'éthologie est de mettre au point une méthode expérimentale qui permette de décrypter ses gestes.

La déparentalisation des pères, le développement d'une violence destructrice, la montée des racismes Surtout, vous parlez longuement d'un sujet totalement tabou, l'inceste. Notamment du "plus incestueux des incestes", l'inceste mère-fils. Tout a commencé par l'hypothèse que j'ai exprimée dans un livre paru en "Sous le signe du lien", Hachette , après avoir travaillé sur la prohibition de l'inceste chez les animaux: Hypothèse que j'avais reprise lors de conférences ou dans des interviews.

Il y a, en milieu naturel, des mécanismes qui inhibent et qui entravent la réalisation d'un acte sexuel entre apparentés, donc entre mère et fils. Mais cette règle connaît des exceptions. Par exemple, les animaux domestiques, qui sont des animaux dénaturés et qui ont perdu les mécanismes régulateurs naturels. Certaines espèces pratiquent l'inceste, comme les bovins, les pigeons ou les félins, dont le développement se fait sans façonnement affectif.

Donc l'inhibition de l'inceste appartient certes à l'ordre naturel, mais il faut rester nuancé. A la suite de mes interventions dans les médias sur ce thème, j'ai reçu des témoignages spontanés.

Et nous avons constitué un groupe de travail. Ces témoignages ne correspondent pas aux descriptions habituelles. Officiellement, le stéréotype, c'est le père, ou le beau-père, alcoolique qui viole sa fille. Vient ensuite l'inceste frère-soeur. Enfin, rarissime, l'inceste mère-fils, qui ne concernerait que les psychotiques. Voilà ce qui ressort des statistiques des tribunaux. Les lettres et les visites que nous avons reçues bouleversent cette vision.

D'abord parce que le nombre d'incestes est beaucoup plus important qu'on ne le croit généralement. Y compris le tabou des tabous, l'inceste mère-fils: Les gens qui viennent nous raconter leur histoire ont été façonnés d'une manière telle qu'ils n'ont pas de sentiment de crime lorsqu'ils commettent l'inceste. Soit parce que les mécanismes séparateurs n'ont pas joué, soit, au contraire, parce que l'éloignement n'a pas permis de tisser des liens d'attachement.

La majorité d'entre eux n'ont pas de sentiment d'interdit. Ces gens-là sortent de la culture, parce qu'ils n'ont pas été façonnés par cette culture. C'est un sujet difficile. Parfois je regrette d'y avoir consacré ce chapitre. J'aime bien avoir la paix, et, après avoir écrit ces lignes, je sais que je ne l'aurai plus.

Depuis vingt ans, le nombre de cas d'incestes augmente en permanence. Et pas uniquement, je crois, parce qu'il est devenu plus facile d'en parler. Je propose d'en faire un indice de déparentalisation sociale. Cela signifie que la culture ne façonne plus les rôles familiaux.

Les pères se sentent moins pères devant leur fille. Et les mères commencent à se sentir moins mères Ah, les débats du postmoderne! La conscience, pour Damasio, se définit à trois niveaux: Mais il est beau dans ce genre-là…. Nous allons terminer le sujet avec ce passage: La démocratie est à ce prix. La raison seule ne peut leur faire obstacle. Nous éludons la question en nous évadant dans les hypermarchés, dans le travail ou sur le Minitel rose.

Ces produits arrivent au deuxième rang, juste derrière les antibiotiques. Elles ont à voir avec les pulsations, la tension artérielle, parce que ça influence la tension artérielle, les émotions, bien sûr. Revenons sur celles qui ont été mentionnées ailleurs dans cet article: Mais un petit problème se pose….

On retrouve chez les humains trois besoins fondamentaux: En France, ils parlent et ils écrivent très bien, mais ils emploient beaucoup de mots anglais. Nous, nous en employons moins, mais nous écrivons mal et parlons comme des cochons. Passions du risque , Éd. À chaque nouveau site, précise Le Breton, en orfèvre du vertige, il convient de chercher la limite extrême où la mort est à la fois touchée et esquivée dans le même mouvement. Et je prends les moyens pour y être de temps en temps.

Vous voyez que ce qui peut nous sembler complètement fou arrive à faire du sens. Comme on le sait, son livre a connu une popularité internationale. On y trouve plusieurs témoignages recueillis par Moody. Je me répétais sans arrêt: L'invidia è considerata un sentimento disdicevole e fuori posto. La persona invidiosa, d'altra parte, si comporta spesso in modo antipatico. Appare ombrosa, viscida e maldicente, in contrasto con la solarità della invidiata, più fortunata.

Tutti noi, pertanto, siamo portati a pensare che l'invidia sia un sentimento di bassa lega che ci insegnano ad ignorare o a modificare perché essere invidiosi non sta bene. Parliamo abitualmente di sentimenti "buoni" e "cattivi",.

Qui si pone allora una questione etica, ma anche razionale, di buoni o cattivi comportamenti, o preferibilmente è meglio definirle in termini di azioni costruttive e distruttive. Le emozioni e sentimenti ci fanno conoscere la risonanza che un evento, o una persona, ha dentro di noi mentre rendono disponibili energie per agire in funzione di questa risonanza. L'invidia ci parla delle qualità che desidereremmo avere, come delle cose che vorremmo possedere.

Ponendoci in un atteggiamento distruttivo, l'energia sarebbe utilizzata per ridurre il vantaggio che vediamo nell'altro, togliendo a lui qualcosa piuttosto che aggiungerla a noi. L'invidia è lo specifico dolore mentale , la specifica emozione dolorosa che è adeguata alla percezione che noi non siamo o non abbiamo , qualche cosa di buono, ammirato, desiderabile o desiderato che altre persone sono o hanno. L'invidia è il dolore della percezione delle differenze con proprio svantaggio.

Se questo, come sembra, è vero, la questione dell'invidia risiede allora nella gestione di essa. Si tratta, in effetti, di uno dei modi a disposizione del soggetto per cercare di annullare la fonte di uno specifico dolore mentale.

In effetti, quattro sono i modi fondamentali a disposizione per affrontare una minaccia. Esistono dei metodi miranti ad annullare il dolore mentale invidioso, fra essi, il più evidente e il più riconosciuto è distruggere la cosa buona oppure, chi a quella cosa tende, o la ha già ottenuta. Un esempio potrebbe essere dato dalla perfida regina che cerca di uccidere Biancaneve al fine di annullare, appunto, il dolore per la differenza di bellezza in cui lei stessa si trova in una posizione svantaggiata.

Sembra chiaro che in questa storia la cosa che fa scattare sia il disagio per il confronto: Nel caso della Strega di Biancaneve, le cose sarebbero andate diversamente se, invece di cercar di uccidere la rivale, si fosse iscritta, poniamo, a un corso di fitness o si fosse fatta fare il lifting in un istituto di bellezza! Fra i tentativi di acquisire la cosa buona, ve n'è uno particolarmente scaltro, che consiste nel derubare il rivale, prendendo addirittura tre piccioni con una fava: Non molto differente è attribuirsi il merito del bene altrui: L'invidia è uno tra i peccati più antichi la cui sede è nell'alto dei cieli, tra le creature celesti: Tutti l'abbiamo provata, inutile tentare di negarlo.

In genere con invidia si intende quel senso di rammarico, spesso divorante,. L'origine del termine è nel latino invidere , vale a dire guardare di sbieco.

Sotto il profilo psicologico l'invidioso prova una forte sofferenza e frustrazione determinate dalla mancanza di valori, status, ecc. Lo stato dell'invidioso è quello dominato dalla sofferenza e la sua sofferenza è permanente: Dunque, ecco il punto: Quanto è fondata la loro pretesa? Ma se tale aggressione ci sia stata davvero, è difficile dirlo: Non si invidia colui che, pur vantandosi e ostentando, non ottiene alcun riconoscimento: Esiste una invidia sana, che è propria di qualsiasi essere umano: Certo, nella ricchezza vi è anche un elemento che non dipende dal merito personale, cioè la fortuna: E i poveri, si sa, tollerano più facilmente colui che è ricco da sempre, che non colui che era povero come loro, e si è arricchito sotto i loro occhi anche se col proprio lavoro e con la propria intelligenza: Ma che dire della bellezza?

Sarebbe spaventata se sentisse cosa dicono veramente di lei: Perché si tratta di due condizioni che sono entrambe poco desiderabili, sia pure per ragioni diverse: Chi si sforza di essere, di essere persona, e di evolvere spiritualmente, non prova invidia per nessuno, se non, casomai, quella forma di sana invidia, non maligna, ma benefica perché stimolante, che è propria del principiante nei confronti del maestro.

Che fare, dunque, quando si è oggetto di invidia, pur non avendo ostentato per niente le proprie doti, la bellezza, la cultura, la preparazione? Che fare se si ha la sola colpa di essere giovani, davanti ad un vecchio invidioso?

In simili casi, non resta che seguire il consiglio del gran padre Dante: Ieri sera sono capitata su questa pagina Web: Il patriarcato ha represso e usato questo elemento per spogliare la donna di tutte le sue potenzialità, attraverso i secoli.

Oggi, mentre crediamo di esserci liberate da questi meccanismi di oppressione, nella pratica abbiamo ancora paura.

Questo esercizio della violenza culturalmente istituzionalizzato e socialmente acquisito, è stato trasmesso dai ruoli e dai modelli imposti dalla famiglia, dalla scuola, dalle religioni. La rabbia bloccata uscirà nel momento meno opportuno. Quando ci adattiamo psicologicamente al ruolo della vittima, sviluppiamo un meccanismo di repressione interno che è rivolto contro noi stesse.

Siamo pronte a difendere con tutte le nostre forze tutto quello che valorizziamo, tutto quello in cui mettiamo il nostro amore e le nostre energie: La stima si riduce quando diciamo SI a qualcosa a cui vorremmo dire NO: Autoaffermarsi vuol dire riconoscere e difendere i nostri diritti e usare la nostra autoderminazione per uscire dal ruolo di vittime in cui siamo state spinte.

Se viceversa la donna ricerca aree per sviluppare la sua potenzialità, le trova. Tanto più consapevoli saremo della nostra forza , tanto più potremo abbattere gli ostacoli imposti dalla società. Era colei che fu trasformata in una figura demoniaca per aver osato rifiutare la sottomissione ad Adamo. Ed é volata via. Adamo non la poteva controllare. Cosí, gli è stata data una seconda moglie, Eva, che fu creata da una sua costola per assicurare, naturalmente, l'ubbidienza al proprio uomo.

Gli rimase accanto per sempre. Ha la forza della nascita, della morte, della vita stessa. E' una delle forze propellenti dell'essere, e come tale ha un senso molto profondo. E' una delle esperienze centrali della vita. La società in cui viviamo, ha nei confronti del sesso, idee confuse e repressive, soprattutto per quanto riguarda la donna.

Riviste e televisione, non fanno altro che insegnarci ad essere attraenti e sexy. I ruoli sessuali rispecchiano l'immagine di maschio e femmina che ci fornisce la società: Troppo spesso il sesso ci divide invece di unirci. Le donne oggi hanno cominciato poco a poco a districarsi dalla rete dei miti, di ignoranza, confusione, di esigenze legate al ruolo, grazie a tutte le donne che hanno avuto il coraggio di cominciare ad aprirsi sulle proprie esperienze e le proprie sensazioni sessuali, in quelli che una volta erano i gruppi di autocoscienza nei movimenti femministi, e a quelle che hanno continuato questo processo di comunicazione.

E' difficile per gran parte delle donne parlare apertamente di sessualità,eppure, indagando insieme alle nostre esperienze, fantasie, interrogativi e sensazioni erotiche, scopriamo che parlere del sesso diventa gradualmente più semplice. La comunicazione ci fa scoprire di essere in molte a condividere le stesse preoccupazioni.

La sessualità va ben oltre il coito, e la sessualità appartiene anzitutto a noi stesse: Cerchiamo di godere serenamente delle nostre personali reazioni sessuali, sia nella fantasia che nella realtà. Human life will never be understood unless its highest aspirations are taken into account. Growth, self-actualization, the striving toward health, the quest for identity and autonomy, the yearning for excellence.

And yet there are also other regressive, fearful, self-diminishing tendencies as well, and it is very easy to forget them in our intoxication with "personal growth," especially for inexperienced youngsters. We must appreciate that many people choose the worse rather than the better, that growth is often a painful process Maslow propone un ordine dei bisogni secondo il quale alcuni bisogni vanno soddisfatti prima che nascano quelli del livello successivo.

E' molto sentito nell' adolescenza. Bisogno di auto realizzazione inteso come l'esigenza di realizzare la propria identità e di portare a compimento le proprie aspettative, nonché di occupare una posizione soddisfacente nel proprio gruppo. Prima di cominciare vorrei brevemente rispondere a un paio di affermazioni fatte dal dottor Spivey che ha parlato prima di me. Egli ha sostenuto che la nostra battaglia [per liberare il mondo dalla religione] sia destinata alla sconfitta in quanto la religione fa parte della nostra natura di esseri umani.

Ebbene, dottor Spivey, parla per te. Non fa parte della mia natura, e non fa parte della natura della stragrande maggioranza dei miei amici nelle università di Gran Bretagna, Stati Uniti e ovunque altro. Spivey ha anche detto: Artisti come Michelangelo dovevano andare dove era il patronato. Non sapremo mai che soffitto avrebbe potuto dipingere Michelangelo se gli fosse stato commissionato di dipingere, per esempio, il museo della scienza.

Non sapremo mai come avrebbe potuto essere "l'oratorio evoluzionistico" di Haydn Per quanto riguarda la consolazione, incontro spesso persone che dicono "ma se togli la religione alle persone, come faranno a sopravvivere?

Come faranno ad andare avanti quando perdono una persona amata, o quando temono la morte per se stessi? È un argomento ragionevole. È certamente possibile ottenere consolazione da una bugia. Molte persone, quando chiediamo loro se vorrebbero che il medico dicesse loro la verità, nel caso avessero una malattia mortale e restassero loro soltanto sei mesi di vita, rispondono "no, preferirei che il medico mi mentisse".

In questo non c'è niente di male; ed io rispetterei questo desiderio, se fossi un medico e pensassi che il paziente volesse che io gli mentissi. Ma non credo che questa sia dignitosa come giustificazione generale della religione. A meno che, naturalmente, essa [la religione] non sia vera. Non abbiamo tempo di entrare nel merito, ma credo che ci siano ottime, ottime ragioni per credere che non c'è assolutamente alcuna base per credere che ci sia alcuna verità nelle affermazioni della religione.

Ed è essenzialmente questo che essi fanno. Lo studio scientifico di questi profondi, meravigliosi, eleganti misteri è uno dei più grandi traguardi raggiunti dallo spirito umano, e, fino al punto in cui la religione offre un'alternativa, o addirittura ostacola l'attività scientifica, credo che staremmo tutti meglio senza di essa. Il che mi porta all'altra delle mie quattro categorie, la spiegazione. Nel campo della spiegazione, la scienza ha tutte le carte in mano.

La religione una volta aspirava ad avere una mano di carte decente, ma oggi non più. Non c'è ragione di supporre che alcuna religione, alcun libro religioso, alcun insegnante di religione, abbia alcunché da dire su domande come "da dove viene l'universo", "da dove veniamo", "perché esiste la vita", "a cosa serve la vita".

Oggi sappiamo che tutte le risposte date dalla religione a queste domande, che una volta erano le migliori risposte disponibili, sono completamente sbagliate. Non c'è assolutamente alcuna evidenza per esse.

Il punto centrale con cui vorrei terminare è che la religione corrompe l'educazione , in quanto interferisce in grande misura con l'istruzione dei bambini e degli studenti.

Non è solo che ai bambini vengono insegnate cose false; è che l'indottrinamento dei bambini che la fede sia una virtù li porta ad essere immunizzati, messi in guardia, contro i nemici della fede, che si dice loro arriveranno; le loro menti diventano come dei computer che erigono un firewall per impedire l'ingresso di informazioni.

Ho parlato con dei miei colleghi in America, scienziati che cercavano di tenere conferenze di biologia agli studenti e naturalmente la biologia non ha senso senza l'evoluzione , e ogni volta che la conferenza menzionava l'evoluzione, i miei colleghi vedevano un mare di teste che si muovevano facendo segno di "no", braccia incrociate, e persone che non ascoltavano.

Sono addestrati per dare le risposte giuste, per mettere le crocette nel posto giusto, negli esami; sanno come rispondere agli esami sull'evoluzione; ma sono stati in anticipo messi in guardia, corazzati dal firewall della fede, per tapparsi di fatto le orecchie ogni volta che l'insegnante parla di evoluzione. E questo significa corrompere l'educazione. Ecco una citazione da Kurt Wise , un geologo americano. Gould nientemeno , ed era bene instradato verso una carriera eccellente di geologo accademico, carriera che aveva desiderato disperatamente per tutta la vita.

Il problema venne da dentro di lui, ed era la sua educazione religiosa -- il suo firewall di fede. Per quanto provassi, anche se avevo lasciato intatti i margini di tutte le pagine della Bibbia, mi era impossibile prenderla in mano senza che essa si spaccasse in due. Dovevo scegliere tra l'evoluzione e le scritture. O le scritture erano vere e l'evoluzione era falsa, oppure l'evoluzione era vera e dovevo gettar via la Bibbia E con questo, con grandissima tristezza, gettai nel fuoco tutti i miei sogni e tutte le speranze nella scienza.

Io devo stare da questa parte. La prima è quella di MIMI , una bellissima bambina che, nonostante tute le sue difficoltà, è riuscita con il lavoro paziente della sua famiglia e delle sue insegnanti a fare dei passi da gigante, raggiungendo tante piccole e grandi autonomie. Sono stanca di augurare tante belle cose agli altri tanto da non lasciarmi niente per me Ogni anno spero si concluda presto per poter sperare sul nuovo.

Godetevi ogni giorno come se fosse l'ultimo e non aspettatevi. Non, je ne suis pas le Père Noël seulement Valentin qui pense à toi et qui voulait te souhaiter…. Joyeux Noël en toute simplicité! Alcune persone affrontano la vita con un atteggiamento passivo e sottomesso. Sono "troppo buoni", non sanno farsi valere, e gli altri …. Quando si parla d'aggressività, tutti pensano all'aspetto distruttivo di questo sentimento: Sto parlando di quella sana dose d'aggressività che permette di affermarsi e di difendere i propri diritti senza ovviamente ledere i diritti degli altri.

Alcune persone non riescono ad esprimere la propria aggressività anche quando sarebbe naturale e giustificato farlo. Sono quelle persone che vengono considerate dagli altri " troppo buone", che non riescono a difendere i propri diritti e che, piuttosto che discutere, preferiscono lasciar perdere.

Chi non sopporta il minimo conflitto, è perché sente di avere dentro di sé una fortissima carica di rabbia e questo lo spaventa: In questo caso, gli impulsi aggressivi, essendo inaccettabili, rimangono relegati nell'inconscio e si esprimono in modo " contorto"con attacchi d'ansia, depressione, malattie psicosomatiche o pensieri ossessivi.

L'aggressività è uno dei nostri istinti senza il quale non potremmo sopravvivere. Purtroppo quando la rabbia non viene mai espressa parliamo di esprimere la rabbia in modi accettabili Chi accumula rabbia, prima o poi esplode. I serial killer, spesso descritti come persone miti e inoffensive, sono un buon esempio di questo meccanismo. Modi contorti per punire gli altri e se stessi: Chi non sia si arrabbia mai, in realtà dirige la propria rabbia verso se stesso.

In genere il troppo buono, quando viene maltrattato, si deprime con pensieri di questo tipo. Se gli altri mi trattano male, è perché c'è in me qualcosa che non va. Se sono trattato come uno zerbino, è colpa mia". Spesso chi non si arrabbia mai, soffre di depressione, ansia e attacchi di panico.

Questi disturbi in realtà possono rappresentare un inconscia forma di rivalsa verso gli altri. Anche i disturbi sessuali possono entrare in questa categoria: I comportamenti passivo aggressivi sono dei comportamenti apparentemente inoffensivi il cui scopo inconscio è quello di comunicare rabbia e risentimento. Bruno non ha il coraggio di dire di no al suo capo che gli chiede l'ennesimo straordinario non pagato, peccato che "casualmente" commetta molti errori di "distrazione" sulla relazione a cui sta lavorando.

Stefania deve andare a prendere l'amica per andare ad un concerto che non ha nessuna voglia di sentire. Peccato che nell'andare a prendere l'amica, sbagli strada e arrivi a casa sua con un ora di ritardo.

Le persone " troppo buone" temono che esprimere il proprio disaccordo possa ferire gli altri, e non si accorgono che alcuni dei loro comportamenti possono ferire gli altri molto di più di una discussione. Le relazioni del " troppo buono". Pur di evitare il conflitto con l'altro, il "troppo buono" accetterà tutto o quasi , salvo poi sentirsi sfruttato e avere l'impressione di dare molto e ricevere poco in cambio.

E in effetti chi ha questo tipo di problematiche, spesso non riceve quanto meriterebbe perché "non chiede nel modo giusto. Occhio insomma alle persone " troppo buone e troppo gentili "!!

In termini psicologici questo aspetto si chiama " desiderabilità sociale ": Il gioco della desiderabilità sociale , come dice la definizione stessa, necessita che chi ci sta intornoci conceda la "patente" di buoni samaritani. La società non solo rafforza volentieri questo buonismo interiorizzato ma è anche pronta a fare quadrato se qualcuno rischia di essere "smascherato".

È meccanismo della guerra fredda: Eric Berne in "A che gioco giochiamo? Tanto più queste persone confermano il nostro copione e ci permettono di giocare i nostri giochi preferiti, tanto più saranno amici. Se vogliamo capire chi siamo e come funziona la nostra psiche basta disegnare una mappa dei nostri amici e dei nostri "nemici".

Purtroppo nessuno è in grado di disegnare una mappa realistica se ci si trova dentro. Nel racconto evangelico Vangelo di Luca 10, l'uomo "mezzo morto" che scendeva da Gerusalemme a Gerico era accasciato per terra, privo di sensi, coperto di sangue, mezzo morto. Cosa hanno pensato quelli che gli sono passati vicino senza fermarsi? Probabilmente si sono detti: Fai quantomeno lo sforzo di tirarti su, no? Almeno apri gli occhi, reagisci, fa' qualcosa!

Me lo devi chiedere l'aiuto. Sarebbe un'invasione della tua privacy se ti aiutassi senza che me lo chiedi. Non ti soccorro perché ti rispetto. È che non troviamo dei miserabili fatti come diciamo noi, con le caratteristiche che vogliamo noi e che, anche se moribondi, sorridano quando gli tendiamo la mano. Se non mi sorridi mentre vengo in tuo soccorso non meriti il mio aiuto, no?

Probabilmente leggendo queste righe avrete pensato che in fondo è vero: Concordate quindi sul fatto che il Buon Samaritano non esiste. È un'immagine rassicurante che ci siamo costruiti per mantenere un'idea positiva di noi stessi.

Se siete in difficoltà e state male, quindi, non aspettatevi che qualcuno venga a soccorrervi in modo altruistico e disinteressato. Le persone che vi circondano - è duro da accettare ma ormai dovreste averlo capito - vi attesteranno la stima, la solidarietà e l'affetto solo finché state bene e possono godere della vostra vicinanza.

Mentre giacete moribondi sul ciglio della strada, tuttavia, è ancora possibile trovare un motivo di gioia: Stimola la plasticità del cervello. Curare l'umore e contemporaneamente "ringiovanire il cervello": Lo studio ha rivelato che i farmaci utilizzati per curare le malattie depressive riuscirebbero ad aumentare la plasticità cerebrale. A migliorare, cioè, la capacità di rimodellarsi tipica del cervello giovane, che si perde almeno in parte nell'età adulta Appartiene alla classe degli inibitori selettivi della ricaptazione della serotonina ssri e agisce incrementando nel cervello i livelli di serotonina, che è uno dei principali neurotrasmettitori del sistema nervoso.

I farmaci non agiscono influendo sugli eventi del mondo esterno. Non hanno effetto sui successi, sulle contrarietà o sulle avversità, né agiscono tramite i processi del pensiero. Sono senza parole e privi di concetti. E crescendo impari che la felicità non e' quella delle grandi cose.

Non e' quella che si insegue a vent'anni, quando, come gladiatori si combatte il mondo per uscirne vittoriosi La felicità non e' quella che affanosamente si insegue credendo che l'amore sia tutto o niente, Crescendo impari che la felicità e' fatta di cose piccole ma preziose E impari che la felicità e' fatta di emozioni in punta di piedi, di piccole esplosioni.

E impari che l'amore e' fatto di sensazioni delicate, di piccole scintille allo stomaco, di presenze vicine anche se lontane, e impari che il tempo si dilata e che quei 5 minuti sono preziosi e lunghi più di tante ore, e impari che basta chiudere gli occhi, accendere i sensi, sfornellare in cucina, leggere una poesia, scrivere su un libro o guardare una foto per annullare il tempo e le distanze ed essere con chi ami.

E impari che sentire una voce al telefono, ricevere un messaggio inaspettato, sono piccolo attimi felici. E impari ad avere, nel cassetto e nel cuore, sogni piccoli ma preziosi.

E impari che tenere in braccio un bimbo e' una deliziosa felicità. E impari che i regali più grandi sono quelli che parlano delle persone che ami E impari che c'e' felicità anche in quella urgenza di scrivere su un foglio i tuoi pensieri, che c'e' qualcosa di amaramente felice anche nella malinconia.

One of the common denominators of people who enter therapy is the feeling of being "stuck" in some way. Often there is the feeling of not being able to break out of a set of behaviors, feelings or thoughts. People know "it should be different," but can't seem to get things to really change for themselves.

Their moods may come and go, but somehow they keep slipping back into old patterns. Regardless of the number of accomplishments, feelings of not being good enough still arise. Regardless of how spiritual, feelings of anxiety emerge. Regardless of how hard they try, up comes the sense of being out of control.

So where do these feelings generally come from? The simple answer is from the memories that form our unconscious mind. These networks determine how we interpret new experiences, and our moment-to-moment feelings.

When something happens in the present, it automatically links into our preexisting memory networks, and we respond accordingly. So, for example, when we meet someone new, we may find ourselves liking or disliking the person based partially upon other people we've encountered in the past who are similar in some way.

These automatic responses occur because the brain is geared to link up whatever happens in the present with our memories of past experiences in order to make sense of the world.

If I'd never seen a cup, I'd have no idea what to do with it. If I have previous experiences with cups then I may simply reach out to use it. I don't have to think it through. I don't have conscious images of other cups I've seen before. It's just a natural, automatic reaction based upon my memory networks. However, if I'd been hit on the head repeatedly with a cup, I may have a negative reaction to it without consciously knowing why.

And when negative feelings like "I'm not good enough" emerge in different situations, the reasons are the same. My memory networks are shaping my current reactions in the world. The memories stored in our brain are either processed or unprocessed. If they are processed, it means that the brain has done its job and integrated a learning experience into our memory networks. Something happened that was disturbing, but I learned what I needed from it.

I fight with a family member and I have a negative emotional and body reaction, but time passes and I think about it, talk about it, dream about it, and soon it doesn't bother me any more. The appropriate connections are made in my brain and I might realize: We've had rough spots before and worked them out.

In my memory network, what is useful is stored and what's useless -- like the feelings of anxiety or anger -- is gone. That is what the brain is geared to do: But sometimes an experience can be so disturbing that the information processing system of the brain becomes imbalanced.

When that happens, the experience is stored in an "unprocessed" form and still contains the emotions, physical sensations and beliefs that occurred at the time of the original event.

So when I see the person again, instead of feeling OK, I have the same feeling of anger, hurt and anxiety. What's important here is that just the sight of the person can trigger the feelings, even years later, whether I consciously remember the fight or not.

The negative feelings automatically arise from my unconscious memory connections. The brain is just doing its job, but unfortunately, the automatic connections are being made from unprocessed, rather than processed memories.

That's why numerous divorces occur. The painful unprocessed past experiences affairs, fights, disappointments continue to get triggered and don't let the partners reconcile. The examples of unprocessed memories I used in previous blogs involved traumas that are used to diagnose post traumatic stress disorder PTSD. But recent research has clearly shown that many kinds of life experiences, even if it is not a "major trauma," can cause the same types of responses.

But even in those instances, the research generally indicates that experiences are also involved. And any experience that was sufficiently disturbing can get locked into our memory networks as an unprocessed memory. For instance, being bullied or humiliated as a child is often associated with strong reactions related to "survival fear. So, if your body tightens or you have visceral negative emotions arising when you think of a time you were humiliated in school, that memory is still unprocessed.

If you go into a similar situation as an adult, the same negative feelings may arise. For instance, some surveys show that fear of public speaking in the U. That's often an example of unprocessed memories from childhood stored in the brain, with emotions arising from the unconscious connections and running the show.

Sometimes our negative reactions may take the form of low-grade "misery" emerging at certain times. But sometimes our responses can be extreme and define the way we view ourselves. Here's an example from my book Getting Past Your Past: Stephanie hadn't been able to work for two years because she thought her coworkers were contemptuous of her.

She was sure she smelled because of excessive sweating, even though she bathed twice a day, frequently changed her underwear, and used lots of powder and deodorant. She couldn't bear to be in social situations because she thought people were talking about her.

Over the past 15 years she'd had a number of hospitalizations because of thoughts of suicide and was on three different medications.

Stephanie suffered from a diagnosis known as body dysmorphic disorder. The symptoms are sometimes misdiagnosed, because the negative beliefs involving an imagined body flaw are seen as a "delusion. We use specific techniques to identify the source of the problem, and Stephanie remembered what had caused her suffering:. She was 12 years old and she'd brought in food as her teacher had instructed for her Friday cooking class. Unfortunately the class was cancelled.

Returning to school on Monday, she went to her gym locker and took out the bag she thought contained her gym clothes. When she opened it, the room was filled with the odor of rotting fish -- the food she'd forgotten and left over the weekend after the cancelled cooking class. Her schoolmates made fun of her, accusing her of dirty underwear.

Then she was sent to the principal, who scolded her for poor hygiene. This event had been stored in her brain. It took only three sessions to process the memory and all the symptoms disappeared and remained gone five years later.

Decades of suffering had been caused by a childhood event that was profoundly disturbing at the time but had been subsequently forgotten. This happens all the time. So, the bottom line is that whether your personal problem seems big or small, there is a likelihood that unprocessed memories are at work. The unconscious isn't really such a murky place after all. It's simply cause-and-effect reactions that you can learn to identify and take steps to master.

Seven cases treated with eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 25, Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder after non-traumatic events: Evidence from an open population study. British Journal of Psychiatry, , Biological sensitivity to context: The interactive effects of stress reactivity and family adversity on socioemotional behavior and school readiness. Child Development, 1, Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy.

The 20th century taught. His politics appear to be an interesting combination of libertarian and liberal. Yet he eschews knee-jerk hysteria and political correctness and instead brings to the discussion a great deal of nuance, thoughtfulness and scientific evidence.

Nobody likes a Puritan, John Dewey reminds us, and so I was careful to avoid penning some grimly censorious screed. On the contrary, by the time I was finished I was full of sympathy for those who, from Augustine to Eliot Spitzer, find themselves on the losing end of our never-ending battle with desire. According to journalist and novelist Akst The Webster Chronicle ,. This is happening at the same time that long-standing social constraints on behavior, such as religion and tradition, are eroding.

Akst combines the disciplines of history, philosophy, psychology, economics, and literature in examining this phenomenon and inspires readers to view self-control in a positive light.

Essential book for all people concerned with their own overindulgences and with the future of society in general. Listen to Audio Version MP3. Self-Control in an Age of Excess , but at least he believes there are steps we can take to keep ourselves from having too much fun. Compared to other critics of American affluence, this qualifies him as an optimist. According to a Harvard study he cites, extending medical coverage to all Americans would save approximately 45, lives a year.

Meanwhile, nearly half of the 2. Hear that, tubby patriots? Universal jumping jacks could save far more lives than universal healthcare, a prospect that should gladden the sclerotic hearts of both Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore, and yet we mostly fail to take action.

Or at least score few victories in our battles with temptation. When Akst covers how our brains work and the many experiments social scientists have devised to show us how easy we are to manipulate, the bad news continues.

Those given hot drinks judged the individual warmer. Or inspired subjects to interrupt more frequently by exposing them to words associated with rudeness? Still, Akst stands firm in his conviction that we do, as individuals, have agency over our choices and must take responsibility for them. Psychologists call this practice pre-commitment. Akst describes one woman who freezes her credit card in a block of ice as a way to discourage spending. Another pours salt on half her dessert as a means of portion control.

Freedom is a productivity app procrastinators use to keep themselves off the Internet long enough to get some work done. And thus technology marches forward. And even the invidious forces of TV and the Internet have incredible upsides. The Internet may distract us, but it can also inspire preternatural focus in those who use it. Before the Web came along, how many tweens were writing 10,word fanfics about their favorite characters from the 2,page serials they spent their days and nights chain-reading?

How many adults devoted their leisure to crafting encyclopedia entries on Spanish heraldry or leaf-cutter ants? Even in the Internet age, patience and diligence persist.

Thus, it comes as something of surprise when, after making a case for self-control, Akst is so quick to suggest that the government might manage, somewhat oxymoronically, our self-control for us. The answers are yes and maybe. An employer might make its k plan opt-out rather than opt-in to encourage more employees to participate in it. A health insurance plan might offer some kind of reward points to members who exercise on a regular basis.

Who, for example, gets to decide which appetites are dangerous enough to warrant government intervention? How can the public realm be shaped without imposing features that some individuals will consider coercive rather than elective? The best way we can help it from compulsively fine-tuning our lives is to refrain from granting it such powers in the first place.

You don't have to be Freud to deduce that I've been feeling a bit trapped in my life lately. But unlike actual imprisonment, feeling trapped in life is often instructional - simply because it's an illusion. It's like the elephant with its leg tied to a wooden stake.

The elephant is strong enough to break the stake and free itself, but doesn't realize it. It stays tied to the stake only because it's been conditioned to do so. Although we're smarter than elephants, we do sometimes seem to stand with one leg tied to a stake for no reason other than conditioning. After having done some time in my own trap I've since freed myself, by the way , I noticed that the way out was a heavy dose of what I call " self-definition.

Self-definition is a process. It's an excavation of the soul. It requires us to honestly, deeply and completely answer some challenging questions: Answering these questions truthfully may not be easy. I challenge you to answer them for each area of your life and notice what you uncover. When I asked myself "What do I want? I wanted more sleep. The second and more important answer: I wanted to stop meeting everyone else's needs before my own. I'd fallen into a habit of superseding my own needs much of the time and this response was taking its toll - between my son, my clients, friends, family, and various and sundry other people, I was losing myself in a sea of needs.

I'd become tethered to that stake. Self-definition is about finding the places , conditions and mindsets in which you sparkle and shine, in which you stay focused on your desire and move away from your fear. It helps you notice those times that you pull back and stop yourself just as you get started.

You begin to see the many little thoughts and actions that together add up to sabotaging yourself. Finally, you decide to make different choices. Once you step onto that path, you begin to define YOURSELF rather than allowing other people, beliefs and circumstances to determine your identity , life path and course of action.

Self-definition is not about focusing on the specific "hows" and "whats" - how will I get there, what if I don't like it, what if I don't make it, what if I fail, what if I succeed, what are the steps to take, which are the best actions?

Work to avoid these questions - they will instantaneously suck the life out of your beautiful, new self-definition. These questions are based in doubt, rather than faith. Once you are firmly grounded in what is true for you, the "how" and "what" tend to reveal themselves more clearly.

Focus on what YOU want. Then trust that it's right for you. Trust is key here - trust in yourself, trust in the universe, and trust that the right things will happen at exactly the right time.

You do that, and you will not be trapped. Your leg will not be tied to a stake, and that my friends, is freedom. Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life. Nelle persone molto insicure, piacere agli altri diventa il punto centrale della decisione. Queste persone hanno molta rabbia repressa verso coloro dai quali dipendono,.

Lorsqu'on parle de l'angoisse, on baisse le ton. Car l'angoisse est un sujet tabou. Comme la folie, comme la mort. L'angoisse commence avec la naissance et ces racines de l'angoisse s'enfoncent au plus profond de la nature humaine.

Et je ne suis pas sûr, quant à moi, qu'elle se termine toujours avec la mort. Mais l'angoisse maîtrisée débouche sur l'éveil de la conscience.

L'angoisse a toujours été. Pour autant qu'on sache, aussi bien dire depuis la naissance de la conscience. Mais les époques sont plus ou moins anxiogènes; plus ou moins difficiles à vivre du point de vue de l'angoisse. Notre époque est particulièrement difficile à vivre. Pourtant, on dispose aujourd'hui de moyens qui nous font croire qu'on pourrait en finir avec l'angoisse.

Je pense en particulier aux drogues de la famille des psychotropes, tels que les tranquillisants. Oui, mais en finir avec l'angoisse, c'est peut-être en finir avec la conscience même Car il y a entre les deux, entre la conscience et l'angoisse, un lien - comme s'il s'agissait de deux aspects d'un même phénomène. L'angoisse, c'est la descente aux enfers. Mais c'est aussi un facteur déterminant de l'éveil de la conscience L'angoisse porte plusieurs masques. Elle recouvre l'ensemble de ce qu'on appelle les états timériques que sont la peur, la terreur, l'effroi, l'anxiété.

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